Having a bit of a struggle with the kiddos lately. Ages, nearly 3 and 1.5.
They want their own way. We want God's way. Or really, we want them not to thrash and scream and pull one another's hair while launching their sippy cups and wriggling out of the cart at Lowe's. Also to not throw their bread demonstratively on the floor and blow raspberries at us. Additionally, it would be good if they were to sit nicely with hands folded in laps for about an hour at a time...to listen and obey. To have a soft heart.
Here's one point of interest for me, trying to find what things are heart issues and what things are just childish ridiculousness. What should my expectation for some of their behaviors be--can there be a difference between my standard and my expectation? (I'm thinking my expectation is what leads me to get upset when they're being crazy; and my standard is what causes me to impose some appropriate discipline)
I am having the exact same struggle right now that I had with classroom management as a teacher. Is it that I just have this "great understanding" with the students/kids that I don't need to impose particular rules or consequences of "strictness"? Well, maybe this works to some degree, but I have always erred on the too-relaxed side and get walked upon if not eaten alive. But I really struggle with:
1) knowing where the lines should really be; making the call that judgment must fall NOW
2) knowing what exactly to do about it (I get all wishy-washy about whether a particular moment merits a spank, for instance)
I've no problem spanking; I just want to be appropriate and effective in its use. Feeling a little uneasy there. I've read the parenting book that says, "Spanking is the one and only Biblical disciplinary tactic; so spank for every instance of disobedience." But so often I have a hard time discerning moment to moment what is a 2-year old's lack of self-discipline that should be treated as such, and what is a willful disobedience that should be treated as such.
I would really appreciate your comments, suggestions, or ideas. How do you train your children? What disciplinary tools do you have in your repetoire? Am I the only one who feels like a fool?
well.. since we know Sammy is a perfect angel (sarcasm for those that don't know me) I can tell you what we do or try to do for that matter. When something is done w/ the look of defiance on his face where I know he understands and did it anyway. Spank and time out followed by a talk about what happened. If he is intentionally hurting a kid spank and time out. If he hurt them accidentally or because he wasn't using common sense (do 3 year olds have this) then just a time out if it was bad or a hey pay attention you bumped into them and they fell down. Now my exception has been if he is standing up for himself i.e. he is being picked on and does something I treat this differently. This is because I don't want him to be walked all over. I want him to use his words.. however, I know that comes with age. So if someone is pushing him and he pushes back. I will remove him from the situation. Maybe even take a minute or two to calm down and try and find something else to do. Or if he tried to use his words and the other child didn't listen or chose not to. I just try and find a way for him to do something else. We have had most of our issues with other kids and not nearly as many with us. However, I feel the change coming and fast.. I'm bracing myself.. so if that made any sense I hope it helped.. if it didn't well I tried and that should count for something.
ReplyDeleteWe are def. working on listening and obey immediately and ask questions later. So that said.. when you figure it out let me in on the secret ;)
Well, with my kids I...oh, no kids yet. :) Good questions, Katie. I love that you are concerned with the heart issues. My pastor here in HK said recently that when his kids were young he and his wife focused more on the behavior of the kids (say sorry, say thank you, share, etc) and now they are trying to teach the kids that even with the right words, with the wrong attitude, it doesn't work. I'm sure it's hard, but it seems great to be onto the heart/attitude from the beginning. Hang in there :)
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